"DR. HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG"
"ACT ONE"
So thats, you know, coming along.
I'm working with a vocal coach,
strengthening the...
Lotta guys ignore the laugh.
And thats about standards.
I mean, if you're gonna get into the Evil League of Evil,
you have to have a memorable laugh.
What, do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny?
His terrible death-whinny...
No response, BTW, from the League yet,
but my application is strong this year.
A letter of condemnation from the Deputy Mayor.
Thats gotta have some weight,
so...
fingers crossed.
Emails.
"2sly4u" writes:
"Hey, genius..."
Wow, sarcasm! Thats original.
"Where are the gold bars you were supposed to
"pull out of that bank vault with your Transmatter Ray?
Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers".
Well, no,
they're not gonna say anything in the press.
But, behold.
Transported from there...
to here.
The molecules tend to
shift during the transmatter,
uh, event.
But...
they were transported in bar form
and they clearly were...
And by the way, it's not about making money,
it's about taking money.
Destroying the status quo,
because the status is not quo.
This world is a mess and I just...
need to rule it.
I'm gonna...
Smells like cumin.
So Transmatter is 75%
and more importantly,
the Freeze Ray is almost up.
This is the one.
Stops time. Freeze Ray.
Tell your friends.
We have... Oh.
Heres one from our good friend Johnny Snow:
"Dr. Horrible,
"I see you are once again afraid to do battle
"with your nemesis.
I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes".
Okay. Dude.
You're not my nemesis.
My nemesis... is Captain Hammer.
Captain Hammer, corporate tool.
Dislocated my shoulder...
again, last week.
Look, I'm just trying to change the world, okay?
I don't have time for a grudge match
with every poser in a parka.
Besides, theres kids in that park.
So...
Heres one from "DeadNotSleeping":
"Long time watcher, first time writing..."
blah, blah, blah, blah...
"You always say in your blog
"that you will show her the way.
"Show her you are a true villain.
"Who is 'her'
and... does she even know that you're..."
Laundry day
See you there
Underthings
Tumbling
Wanna say
Love your hair
Here I go
Mumbling
With my Freeze Ray, I will stop
The world
With my Freeze Ray, I will
Find the time to find the words to
Tell you how
How you make
Make me feel
Whats the phrase?
Like a fool
Kinda sick
Special needs
Anyways
With my Freeze Ray I will stop
The pain
It's not a Death Ray or an Ice Beam
Thats all Johnny Snow
I just think you need time to know
That I'm the guy to make it real
The feelings you don't dare to feel
I'll bend the world to our will
And we'll make time stand still
Thats the plan
Rule the world
You and me
Any day
Love your hair
- What? - No.
I.. I.. I love the... air.
Anyway
With my Freeze Ray I will stop...
Hey, Doc.
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy.
Whats going on?
Life a' crime. Got your mail.
Hey, didn't you, uh...
didn't you go on a date last night?
Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling
with Bait and Switch.
Yeah.
Yeah?
It was all right.
I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait,
- but... - I hear ya.
I saw Penny today.
You talk to her?
So close.
I'm just a few weeks away
from a real, audible connection.
I'm... I'm gonna ask...
Oh, my God.
Is that from the League?
It's from him. Thats his seal, isn't it?
The... the leader? Oh, my God.
I got a letter from Bad Horse.
Thats so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend.
He rules the League with an iron hoof.
Are you sure you wanna...
- Bad Horse - Bad Horse
He rides across the nation
The thoroughbred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation, so let the games begin
A heinous crime, A show of force
A murder would be nice of course
Bad Horse, Bad Horse
Bad Horse, hes bad
The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware
The grade that you receive will be your last we swear
So make the Bad Horse gleeful
Or he'll make you his mare
You're saddled up, theres no recourse
- It's - "Hi-Yo, Silver!"
Signed Bad Horse
It's not a "no".
Are you kidding?
This is great!
I am about to pull a major heist.
You know the wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze Ray?
It's being transported tomorrow.
Armored car?
Courier van.
Candy from a baby.
You need anything dampened or made soggy?
Thanks, but...
the League is watching.
I gotta go this alone.
Will you lend a caring hand
To shelter those who need it?
Only have to sign your name
Don't even have to read it
Would you help
NoHow about you?
"HORRIBLE VAN REMOTE" "CONNECTED"
Will you lend a caring...
- Aah! - Oh!
Aah. Ahh. Hah.
What?
Um, I... I... I was wondering if I could just...
Hey. I know you.
Hello.
You know meCool.
I mean... yeah, you do. Do you?
From the Laundromat.
Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Except twice last month you skipped the weekend.
Or, if that was you. It could have been someone else.
I mean, I've seen you.
- Billy, is my name. - I'm Penny.
What are you doing?
Um, texting.
It's very important or I would stop.
What are you doing?
Actually, I'm out here volunteering
for The Caring Hands Homeless Shelter.
Can you spare a minute?
Um... okay, go.
Okay.
Um, we're hoping to open a new location soon...
expand our efforts.
Theres this great building nearby
that the city is just going to demolish
and turn into a parking lot.
But if we get enough signatures...
Signatures?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, go on.
I was saying, um, maybe we could get
the city to donate the building to our cause.
We would be able to provide 250 new beds.
Get people off the streets and into job training...
so they can buy rocket packs and go to the moon
and become florists.
You're not really interested in the homeless, are you?
No, I am.
But they're a symptom.
You're treating a symptom.
And the disease rages on,
consumes the human race.
The fish rots from the head, as they say,
so my thinking is why not cut off the head.
Of the human race?
It's not a perfect metaphor.
But I'm talking about an overhaul of the system.
Putting the power in...
different hands.
I'm all for that.
This petition is about the building.
I'd love to sign it.
Thank you.
I'm sorry, I... I come on strong.
But you signed.
Well, wouldn't want to turn my back
on a fellow... laundry... person.
Well, if we can't stick together,
I don't...
"WONDERFLONIUM" "DO NOT BOUNCE"
I'll probably see you there.
No, I will. I'll...
She talked to me.
Why did she talk to me now?
Maybe I should...
A mans gotta do
What a mans gotta do
Don't plan the plan
If you can't follow through
All that matters
Taking matters into your own hands
Soon I'll control everything
Stop! Hey! Hey!
My wish is your command
Stand back everyone
Nothing here to see
Just imminent danger
In the middle of it, me
Yes, Captain Hammers here
Hair blowing in the breeze
The day needs my saving expertise
A mans gotta do
What a mans gotta do
Seems destiny
Ends with me saving you
The only doom thats looming
Is you loving me to death
So I'll give you a sec to catch your breath
You idiot!
Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.
You almost killed her!
- I remember it differently. - Is she...
It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible.
Lacy, gently wafting curtains.
Wh...
Thank you, Hammer man
I don't think I can
Explain how important it was
That you stopped the van
I would be splattered, I'd be crushed under debris
Thank you sir for saving me
Don't worry about it.
A mans gotta do
- What a mans gotta do - You came from above
- Are you kidding? - Seems destiny ends
- What heist were you watching? - With me saving you
- I wonder what you're captain of? - Stop looking at her like that
When you're the best
Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?
My heart is beating like a drum
Theres ass needs kicking
- Some ticking bomb to diffuse - I stopped the van
The remote control was in my hand
- The only doom thats looming - Assuming I'm not
- Whatever - Loving you to death
So please give me a sec to catch my breath
Balls.
"ACT TWO"
Any dolt with half a brain
Can see that humankind has gone insane
To the point where I don't know
If I'll upset the status quo
If I throw poison in the water main
Listen close to everybodys heart
And hear that breaking sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
And crashing to the ground
I cannot believe my eyes
How the worlds filled with filth and lies
But it's plain to see
Evil inside of me
Is on the rise
Look around
We're living with the lost and found
Just when you feel you've almost drowned
You find yourself on solid ground
And you believe theres good in everybodys heart
Keep it safe and sound
With hope, you can do your part
To turn a life around
I cannot believe my eyes
Is the world finally growing wise
'Cause it seems to me
Some kind of harmony
Is on the rise
- Anyone with half a brain - Take it slow
- He looks at me - Could spend their whole life
- And seems to know - Howling in pain
- The things that I'm afraid - 'Cause the dark is everywhere
- To show - And Penny doesn't seem to care
- And suddenly I feel - That soon the dark in me
- This glow - Is all that will remain
- And I believe theres good in - Listen close to
Everybodys heart
- Keep it safe and - Hear that breaking
Sound
- With hope, you can do - Hopes and dreams are shattering
- Your part - Apart
- To turn a life around - And crashing to the ground
I cannot believe my eyes
How the worlds
- Finally growing wise - Filled with filth and lies
- But it's plain to see - And it's plain to see
- Evil inside of me - Rapture inside of me
Is on the rise
"COIN WASH"
It is so dumb that we've been coming here
so long and never spoke.
I know.
All those months doing a stunningly boring chore.
I'm a fan of laundry.
Psych! I love it.
- The smell of fabric softener. - Mmm.
- The feel of warm clothes in your hands. - So good.
Hey, this is weird.
I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two.
You don't happen to like frozen yogurt do you?
- I love it. - You're kidding.
What a crazy, random happenstance.
- Here. - Thank you.
So, how was your weekend?
Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?
Um, actually, I went on a date.
Get right outta town. How was that?
Unexpected.
Hes a really good-looking guy,
and I thought he was kind of cheesy at first...
Trust your instincts.
But he turned out to be totally sweet.
Sometimes people are layered like that.
Theres something totally different underneath
than whats on the surface.
And sometimes theres a third,
even deeper level.
And that one is the same as the top, surface one.
- Huh? - Like with pie.
So you gonna see him again?
I think I will.
Ohh.
- Billy? - Yeah?
You're driving the spork into your leg.
So I am.
Hilarious!
All right. The wait is over.
This, my friends, is my Freeze Ray.
Which... with the addition of the wonderflonium
I obtained at my famously successful heist last week...
I say successful in that I achieved my objective.
It was less successful
in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis
to the girl of my dreams
and now hes taking her out on dates
and they're probably going to French kiss or something.
She called him "sweet".
How is he sweet?
Right! Freeze Ray.
So, as of tonight,
I am in the Evil League of Evil
if all goes according to plan, which it will,
because I hold a Ph.D. in Horribleness.
See you at the aftermath.
Peace.
But not literally.
The Freeze Ray needs work.
I also need to be a little bit more careful
about what I say on this blog.
Apparently the L.A. P.D. and Captain Hammer
are among our viewers.
They were waiting for me at the Mayors dedication
of the Superhero Memorial Bridge.
The Freeze Ray takes a few seconds to warm up
and I wasn't...
Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
Not to worry, though, because I'm...
Oh, one sec.
He saw the operation
You tried to pull today
But your humiliation
Means he still votes "neigh"
And now assassination is just the only way
There will be blood, it might be yours
So go kill someone, signed Bad Horse
Kill someone?
Would you do it?
To get into the Evil League of Evil?
Look at me, man. I'm moist.
At my most badass,
I make people feel like they want to take a shower.
I'm not E. L. E. material.
Killings not elegant or creative.
It's not my style.
You've got more than enough evil hours
to get into the henchmans union.
I'm not a henchman.
I'm Dr. Horrible.
I've got a Ph.D. in Horribleness.
Is that the new catch-phrase?
I deserve to get in.
You know I do.
But killingReally?
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa
who grows up to become president.
That'd be big.
I'm not gonna kill a little kid.
Smother an old lady?
Do I even know you?
I just, you know, really think
I'm qualified for this, this job
and I just can't get my foot in the door.
I'm sure you will.
I wanna do great things, you know?
I wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse.
The Thoroughbred of Sin?
I meant Gandhi.
Well, I've gotten turned down from plenty of jobs.
Even fired a few times.
I can't imagine anybody firing you.
Neither could I.
Now I can visualize it really well.
But you know, everything happens...
Don't say "for a reason".
No! I'm just saying that everything happens.
Not to me.
Heres a story of a girl
Who grew up lost and lonely
Thinking love was fairytale
And trouble was made only for me
Even in the darkness
Every color can be found
And every day of rain
Brings water flowing to things
Growing in the ground
Grief replaced with pity
For a city barely coping
Dreams are easy to achieve
If hope is all I'm hoping to be
Anytime you're hurt theres one
Who has it worse around
And every drop of rain
Will keep you growing
Seeds you're sowing in the ground
So keep your head up Billy, buddy
It's like Captain Hammer is always saying...
Right, him.
How are things with cheesy-on-the-outside?
Good. They're good.
- Hes nice. - Hmm.
I'll be interested to know what you think of him.
He said he might stop by.
Stop by here?
Yeah.
Oh, goodness. Look at my wrist.
- I gotta go. - But...
But, what about your clothes?
I don't love these. See ya!
- Aah! - Oh, pardon.
Pardon.
Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
Oh, Billy, the laundry buddy.
Well it is very nice to meet you.
We're meeting now for the first time.
You look horribly familiar.
One of those faces, I guess.
Have I seen you at the gym?
At the gym.
I don't go to the gym.
I'm just naturally like this.
Oh, well.
Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing
behind closed doors?
He is signing over a certain building
to a Caring Hands group as a new homeless shelter.
Oh, my God!
Yep. Apparently the only signature
he needed was my fist.
But with a pen in it.
That I was signing with.
I... I can't believe it.
Congratulations.
Thank... thank you. Thank you!
Oh.
Ohh.
Well, this is great.
I wish I could stay and chit-chat.
Well, it sure was nice to meet you... Doctor.
You got a little crush, don't you, Doc?
Well, thats gonna make this hard to hear.
See, later, I'm going to take little Penny
back to my place,
show her the command center, the Hammer cycle.
Maybe even the Ham-jet.
You think she likes me now?
I'm gonna give Penny the night of her life
just because you want her.
And I get... what you want.
See, Pennys giving it up.
Shes giving it up hard,
'cause shes with Captain Hammer.
And these...
are not the hammer.
The hammer is my penis.
This appeared as a moral dilemma
'Cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity
It's true I was vague on the "how"
So how can it be that you
Have shown me the light
It's a brand new day
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That you're gonna die
How I hesitated
Now I wonder why
It's a brand new day
All the times that you beat me unconscious, I forgive
All the crimes incomplete, listen, honestly I'll live
Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through
Now the futures so bright and I owe it all to you
Who showed me the light
It's a brand new me
I got no remorse
Now the waters rising
But I know the course
I'm gonna shock the world
Gonna show Bad Horse
It's a brand new day
And Penny will see the evil me
Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure
And she may cry but her tears will dry
When I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia
It's a brand new day
Yeah, the sun is high
All the angels sing
Because you're gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
Yeah, I'm a funny guy
Tell everyone goodbye
It's a brand new day
"ACT THREE"
Looks like we're finding out what a true hero is.
The Mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate
the new homeless shelter
and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.
It's a good day to be homeless.
It certainly is.
So they say Captain Hammers become a crusader
Political... Hes cleanin' up the streets
About time.
So they say that it's real love
So romantic
He signed this
So they say we'll have blankets and beds
We can open by Monday
Thanks to you
Thanks to me
It's the perfect story "CAPTAIN HAMMER: I HOPE TO SET AN EXAMPLE, YOU KNOW",
So they say "FOR CHILDREN AND STUFF".
A hero leading the way
Hammers call to glory
Lets all be our best
Next up... whos gay?
So they say he saved her life
They say she works with the homeless
And doesn't eat meat
- We have - A problem with her
This is his hair
This is so nice
I just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it's better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff
We'd do the weird stuff
This is perfect for me
So they say
I guess hes pretty okay
After years of stormy
Sailing have I finally found the bay?
Hes still not picking up.
Theres no happy ending
So they say
Not for me anyway
Should I stop pretending
- Take the chance to build - Or is this
A brand new day
This is his dry cleaning bill
Four sweater vests
And in just a few minutes,
we'll unveil the statue of the man himself.
Thank you. Thank you.
Justice has a name.
And the name that it has... besides "Justice"...
is Captain Hammer.
Ladies and gentlemen, your hero.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mayor, for those kind words.
I hate the homeless...
...ness problem that plagues our city.
Everyone should have the basic...
You know what, I don't need tiny cue-cards.
When I fell deeply in love
with my serious long-term girlfriend Penny...
Wave your hand, Penny. There she is.
Cute, huh?
Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing.
Not my usual, but nice.
Anyway...
she turned me on to this whole homeless thing,
which is terrible.
And I realized... I'm not the only hero
in the room tonight.
I'm not the only one whos fighting.
It may not feel too classy
Begging just to eat
But you know who does that?
Lassie
And she always gets a treat
So you wonder what your part is
'Cause you're homeless and depressed
But home is where the heart is
So your real homes in your chest
Everyones a hero in their own way
Everyones got villains they must face
They're not as cool as mine
But folks, you know it's fine
To know your place
Everyones a hero in their own way
In their own not-that-heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend, Penny
Yeah, we totally had sex.
She showed me theres so many
Different muscles I can flex
Theres the deltoids of compassion
Theres the abs of being kind
It'ss not enough to bash in heads
You've got to bash in minds
Everyones a hero in their own way
Everyones got something they can do
Get up, go out and fly
Especially that guy
He smells like poo
Everyones a hero in their own way
You and you and mostly me and you
I'm povertys new sheriff
And I'm bashing in the slums
A hero doesn't care if you're a bunch of
Scary alcoholic bums
Everybody!
Everyones a hero in their own way
We're heroes too
Everyone can blaze a heros trail
We're just like you
Don't worry if it's hard
If you're not a friggin' 'tard
You will prevail Ahh
Everyones a hero in their own way
We're heroes too
Everyones a hero in their...
Look at these people
Amazing how sheep'll show up
For the slaughter
No one condemning you
Lined up like lemmings, you led to the water
Why can't they see what I see?
Why can't they hear the lies?
Maybe the fees too pricey
For them to realize
Your disguise is slipping
I think you're slipping
Now that your savior is still as the grave
You're beginning to fear me
Like cavemen fear thunder
I still have to wonder
Can you really hear me?
I bring you pain
The kind you can't suffer quietly
Fire up your brain, remind you
Inside you're rioting, society is slipping
Everythings slipping away
So... go ahead, run away
Say it was horrible
Spread the word, tell a friend
Tell them the tale
Get a pic, do a blog
Heroes are over with
Look at him, not a word
Hammer, meet nail
Then I win, then I get
Everything I ever
All the cash, all the fame
And social change
Anarchy, that I run
It's Dr. Horribles turn
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn
Burn
Yeah, it's two "R"s. H-O-R-R. Right.
Burn
No sign of Penny, good
I would give anything not to have her see
It'ss gonna be bloody, head up Billy, buddy
Theres no time for mercy
Here goes no mercy
Thats not a good sound.
Oh.
...way
A Death Ray?
Looks like Dr. Horribles moving up.
Lets see if this one works any better than your others.
- Don't... - I don't have time for your warnings.
You give my regards to St. Peter.
Or, whoever has his job, but in hell.
Aah!
Oh, I'm in pain!
I think this is what pain feels like!
Oh, Mama!
Someone maternal...
Get out of my way! I gotta get out.
Penny.
Penny! Oh.
Billy, is that you?
Penny, hold on.
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- Are you all right? - Hold on.
It's okay. It's okay.
Captain Hammer will save us.
Penn...
Dr. Horrible, why'd you kill her?
- Dr. Horrible! - Dr. Horrible...
...part of your plan, Dr. Horrible?
Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victorys complete
So hail to the king
Everything you ever
Arise and sing
So your worlds benign
So you think justice has a voice
And we all have a choice
Well now your world is mine
Everything you ever
And I am fine
"HEROES GIRLFRIEND MURDERED"
"COUNTRY MOURNS WHATS-HER-NAME"
"WORST VILLAIN EVER"
"TRAGEDY: DR. HORRIBLE DEFEATS CAPTAIN HAMMER"
Now the nightmares real
Now Dr. Horrible is here
To make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel
Everything you ever
And I won't feel
A thing.